loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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