I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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