You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
