Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
