I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
