Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
