My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
