My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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