jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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