My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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