Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
