oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
