I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Randomize
