Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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