ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
