A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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