you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
