We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
