do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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