too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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