i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize