dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
