I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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