I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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