I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize