Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
