I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
