My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
