i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
