you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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