Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
