I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
