Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
