Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
