I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
