I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
