I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
