i already hear my dad disowning me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Alive.
So much puke
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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