the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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