guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
