Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
