I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
false alarm. still invincible.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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