Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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