What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
