were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
