if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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