I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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