you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
