btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
