my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
