I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
