I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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