saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found puke in my bra..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
