Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Someone came in the potted fern
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You don't make any sense
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