Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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