I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
