Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
