I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
