My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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