At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
