You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
