Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize